a bit of loving

I've been having quite a rough time relationship-wise. It's so hard to keep up with what friends expect of me, and I found myself giving everyone just the bare minimum, saying nice things here and there so they won't suspect anything's amiss.
If I'm referring to you, I'm really sorry I haven't been a good friend.
I try to avoid of friends calling at night because I want time to myself, because beauty sleep is important, because I need time to pack my room, because....
Some of these are good reasons, but... I can be so selfish that I close my mind to spending extra time with my friends, not thinking about whether they really need a listening ear.

So much for being a friend. I just care about myself. Well, sometimes I do care about them.
But only in the little pocket of time (eg. 15 mins/2 days) that I allocate to each.

I'm not trying to be a bad friend, but I guess this is really innate selfishness.
I'm like this to my family too. I talk to my mom in whatever tone I wish just because I'm right... It never occured to me that I should give her the proper respect deserved by a mom, even if she were wrong. I think when God set the commandment to "Honour your parents", that was the mininum. If I could love them more, honouring them would only be the least I could do.

Maybe this shows how imperfect human love is. No matter how much we say we love, we still let each other down now or some time in the future. A good friend told me there is nothing in the world we can wholly rely on - not our accomplishments, not our friends, not even our family, but only God's consistent love.

So now I'm really gotta to see my love for others not as a "minimun returns" exchange, but in the way God would want me to show love for them. People are not detached bit players in Michelle's Game of Life but God's cherished creation - so loved that He died on the cross for them. So I am no one to be selfish and mean towards them...