Theories of Deflation

No feeling dogs me more than deflation,
and it seems to hit me most in matters involving my dear bf.

Deflation makes you escape from Marina Square in a cab,
And upon getting home you slam the door in fury,
tearing down the room as best you can (bearing in mind who's cleaning up),
till you break down shamelessly on your dad's shoulder.

Deflation makes you sullen in a flash while you were happy,
tensed up even though you want his hug.
And clammed up,
as if cursed to be unable to blurt out the cause of the hurt.

Deflation depletes your enegry and happy hopes,
leaving you hunched and weary.

So what causes deflation?

Deflation is when, on Christmas day, you are specially dolled up in a new dress.
You leave your home at 1pm to buy him a special gift,
and then wait in eager anticipation.
You wait 2 hours, and then receive a happy SMS from him saying that his definition of arriving between 2-3pm means just before 4pm.

Deflation is when you planned in jittery eagerness all the special just-for-two activities for his birthday,
and then he tells you he doesn't want the beach because it's his 'heavy' (sinus) day today.
And by the way, he wants to stay home to play with a doll-like causasian baby.

Deflation is when you arrive in school, then take the train backwards
just so you can intercept him on his way.
Just to realise that he's decided he needs to take a cab today.

In essence:

Deflation = over-anticipation + sudden bubble burst

(in the presence of Michelle's stupidity + irrationality)

But then, it's really not just because of these effects that I hate deflation.

I hate it because I don't know how to deal with it.

It's pretty obvious I'm not too nice a person when deflation hits,

and it doesn't help that John suffers the brunt of it all the time.

If there's one last deflation effect to add,

that's me testing John's patience each time.

And for the record, he's been terrific.

I just need to adopt some anti-deflation measures.

For a dear friend... an excerpt

A friend of mine told me her troubles/concerns about being single while everyone around is attached, and also wondered aloud if she'd ever find romance.
Hm, I really don't know what to say to help her tide thru this period of 'doubt',
but I found this on another friend's blog and thought this little 'alternative' christian) view on relationships may offer a different perspective:

note that it may be considered a little extreme, even among some Christians, but I personally agree with most of it, except for how I would word or express certain parts)

(14th Feb, 2005)
Single or Attached (Married)...

Met up with YongJie and Ann for a while ... the discussion slowly drifted to BGR since today is valentine's day.

I realised that my thoughts about valentine's day had became different from past years... due to the fact that I'd began to understand the kingdom's purpose of being single or married.

That is, be it singleness or marriage, the purpose is to be able to live as a kingdom's citizen - blameless and holy. Hence, in 1 Cor 7, Paul mentioned that it is better to stay single, like him, because the singles would be concerned about the Lord's affair, be able to devote to the Lord in both body and spirit.

But if singles cannot control themselves in the face of temptation (be it lust or romance), they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn in passion; so that as married ppl, they can be blameless and holy before the Lord.

Despite the very clear words in the bible, Christians are still hoping for the right 'one' so that they can serve God together; I was once too, hoping for romance... then struggle to reason it myself to whether I'm gifted to be single or not...

But the struggle kinda subsided, for me ... after I heard this short sharing from John Chapman, a 75 yr old single evangelist. He was asked when he decided to be single.

And his answer is simple : "I'd never decide to be single. I just didn't think about it..."

This taught me a lot and really geared my thinking!
Why do i spend so much time and effort to think for MYself..? ... then got myself caught up in self-pity.. then self-encouragement...!

Being a person saved into the kingdom of God, I should be able to say the same thing too, that I just didn't think abt BGR because my whole mind is filled w the Lord's affairs.. the kingdom issues.. of how to devote myself to the Lord wholly.As for whether to married or stay single...
why decide now?

(yet) When comes a man that causes you to fall into great temptation, and draws ur devotion from Lord, you will know that you need to get marry, for it is better to be married than to burn in passion.

So why spend time struggling and deciding your martial status now, when the time can be more wisely used to struggle for some other thing?

Well... i guess, for me, spending this day with my fellow brothers and sisters is the best thus far.. because they will not ask me of when am i getting a boyfriend, rather, they had encouraged me to consider Christ...
(end of excerpt)

Dear you-know-who-you-are, perhaps you may find this kinda extreme?
Well, I just hope it offered you a fresh perspective and some liberation from what's bothering you... take heart, ok?

*big virtual hug*